I can’t believe I’m doing this to myself again. After over three months in rehab, the feeling hasn’t changed. I’m getting excited at the thought of that first taste but I know I shouldn’t. It almost ruined me the last time. Blood-shot eyes, sweaty palms and the coffee stained breathe from restless nights of complete delusion. You wake up in the early hours of the morning and the first thing you do, the first thing you think about, is the last thing you were doing when your head hits the desk. Some days seem the longest, with your teeth clattering, biting your tongue, because you are longing for a fix. “Just give me five minutes dammit, that’s all I need”. Then voices start fighting in your head; one’s telling you, “you need to stop” while the other desperately screams “just do it”.
Then you finally give in. At first, typing in a frenzy because you want them to shut up. Soon it goes quiet and the world starts making sense again. You grab for your cold coffee. It’s going to be a long night but you’ve waited all day to do just this.
So BEWARE, blogging is so addictive.